From the Quill of Femme Sole 16.12.16


Have a great day!


14 thoughts on “From the Quill of Femme Sole 16.12.16

  1. There was some talk a while back (I think I was still in the UK then) about possibly letting your parents choose your future spouse for you, since they know you well enough and clearly your own choices had not worked out. I think they did a documentary on it, but I can’t say for sure. It was interesting to watch, but I wholeheartedly disagree. With all due respect to my elders, their choices would not make me happy. Neither do my choices make them happy. But that’s a whole other story for a whole other day. 😎

    • basically it depends- just as you said! if you and your parents vibe well and you can share your views with them they may pick up a good spouse for you, but it wont work for me either, I wont ask my best friend to choose my lover forget about spouse. I asked my family to look for a match only thrice- when I was under pressure and was half ready to marry, now I am glad that they did not succeeded into finding one indian man who will marry without dowry. ;p

      • So the woman has to essentially pay the man to marry her with the dowry? Great.

        I love my mom. But I know for a fact that if she had to choose for me, it would be a disaster. And she knows my views. But on the whole, like you said, it could work. But good on you about the dowry thing. I’d rather be miserable than stuck with someone that makes my skin crawl every time I lie next to him at night. How do you even take a break from that? No wonder some people are so bitter.

      • I agree, I am very fussy about “love” that is why it was much easier for me to stay single after I became sanguine that the witches of east wont leave my world. This not very dependence on marriage became my savior.

        Indian men take a whopping lot of money plus other advantages in the form of their wife to marry 🙂 In 99% marriages dowry is given directly or indirectly.

        When I am angry at someone I prefer not to see their faces, forget about lying by him on bed every night ha ha… we are quite alike! What if I god allergic within a month?

      • I swear the difference here is that if s*** happens, you can go to the cops. Well, again, in Western Europe. Here, you get “the bald guy to sort it out.” This is what you will read in comments on various forums again and again.

      • Hah! Wrote the same reply twice kind of. Because, you know, I’m so interesting I can’t hold a conversation without repeating myself. 😂😂😂😂

        Yeah, nothing like family pressure. But how do they not feel any remorse? I mean, you grew up with them, they fed and clothed you. How do they not love you? Or is that the problem, that they fed and clothed you? I get that it’s not as simple as typing out an answer on a computer or your phone, but seriously, how messed up is all that?!

      • It is that very thing that scares me, after knowing my family I can see Indians are quite capable of throwing their women out of their homes and absolutely forget them, bar the doors too so they don’t come back.

        It is not a new habit, it is a thousands of years old habit- it started in post Vedic era, that will be somewhere around 1000 BCE, since then hindu parents marry off their daughters and wash off their hands of them! Bengali girls are luckier I have heard stories from my non Bengali friends, how they brace themselves, prepare themselves to suffer every torture in the hands of inlaws, because if they come back to their father’s home everyone will blame them! So they stay there and get killed but don’t complain to their families!

      • We are totally alike. The last part didn’t show up until now. So, he’s doing you a favor by marrying you, is the implication? But really he’s the one who needs you. Or his family, for whatever reason (money, helping hand, offspring, prestige).

        Dowry here is so the couple has something to start their lives with. Of course, if the girl was rich, it was expected to have something extra.

        Who pays for the wedding then? The bride’s family?

        I used to play this game with myself a few times. Which of my male friends would be the perfect arranged husband, or, what would an arranged marriage be like with them, in terms of their character. I got some interesting results. Another reason I’m so keen on reincarnation. I’m sure I was in an arranged marriage with at least one of them. Hence the thought.

        They say in these marriages love can grow. But it takes both. Do people really see it so pragmatically?

      • not only me… “he” is doing a favour on my ancestors by saving them from hell!!!! You know we Bengalis had a ritual which majority of fathers don’t do it anymore because the “grooms” and “brides” utterly detest it- when the father is giving away his daughter to the groom he has to touch his feet and beg him to accept her! can you believe it? INDIANS NEVER TOUCH THE FEET OF SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN HIM OR HER IN STATURE. That is you can touch your Guru’s feet, any Brahmin’s (priest’s) feet or if your uncle/aunt/grandparents are younger than you in age no one else!

        mostly both sides pay for their own expenses of marriage but the bride’s family have to give a huge amount of gift (jewelry and other things- which depends on status- some give car, cash, houses others motorbike, television…). Once in a while some grooms ask for some or more cash to cover wedding expenditure. I called off my marriage because my groom’s family asked for 10000 rupee in 1997 ;p

        I really believe I was born in a wrong country! honestly!

        As for “love growing” with a stark stranger and pretty not loving family who first ask for money, then weigh how much they are getting from you… my love would have turned to hatred!

        I am not dead against arranged marriages but I will at least mix with that person for some time, know him and test if I can love him!

      • I see romance isn’t dead. Ok jokes aside, that’s all kinds of messed up. I hate touching feet anyway. But this whole hierarchy crap is just morally wrong. Never mind the whole taking the woman off your hands parts. Must feel really lovely to know you’re only loved for the money you brought and might bring. I mean sure, we have all that crappy marrying for money, too, but we have the idea of hope that justice will somehow prevail, if not by law then with the help of the bald guy (the go-to answer in forums here in Hungary. “Try to get a lawyer. And if that doesn’t work, hire the bald guy”).

      • Yeah, the tragic part is many women prefer this system too, because they for some reason or other wont get good men so they buy them. Once you are married it is impossible (almost) to get divorce in India, so, many women use dowry as the bribe for a better deal. Then both husband and wife go and chase unmarried men/women!

      • This is beyond sad. Having been raised in the West, with Western values, there is no way I’d pass up romantic love. Although in my mom’s home country the perceived wisdom is “a man doesn’t have to be good-looking. It’s better if he’s not. A woman has to be pretty.”

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